Using the right pronoun can head off conflict. Examples:
- Replace the blaming “You did this” with “Here’s what I think took place.”
- Supplant the accusing “You shouldn’t have done it that way” with “Here’s how I think it could have been done.”
- Substitute the aggressive “Why didn’t you do as you were told?” with “Help me understand why what we agreed to didn’t happen.”
Source: The Bad Attitude Survival Guide, by Harry E. Chambers.