I am always looking for topics to write about, so my friends and family often hear questions like “What’s the biggest issue you are dealing with at work right now?” or “What is the best thing about your job/company?” During dinner last night, I asked my husband “Who has been your most difficult coworker?” Without giving it much thought, he began describing a woman he used to work with who was known to unload the personal details of her life to anyone within earshot.
He felt ambushed every time she would enter his office. She was pregnant at the time, and she believed it was necessary to offer him a play-by-play of every bit of displeasure she was experiencing. What’s worse is that she never knocked or asked to come in. She just plowed into his office and began to rant.
They weren’t friends—in fact, he barely knew her—and he was never more than a set of ears for her. He didn’t actively participate in the conversations. Instead, he nodded and offered the occasional “Man, I’m sorry to hear that.” Maybe that was his value to her: someone to listen without offering advice or opinions. She made her rounds most mornings, hitting up a few coworkers before she settled down to work, so it’s likely that each of those people offered her something different.
That said my husband endured several months of that behavior and the feeling of being held hostage by someone he didn’t want to offend. We often tell readers in our publications that in that situation, it’s best to politely say something like “I’m sorry, but can we catch up at lunch? I am swamped right now.”
However, he didn’t want to catch up. Nor was he interested in ever hearing the personal details of this person’s life. I think a lot of us can admit that there are people at work we just aren’t interested in being friends with, and that is O.K. Because while most of us can’t choose who we get to work with, we can choose who we open up our lives to, and we should never feel forced into being someone’s friend.
The best thing my husband could have done is to politely have said “I’m just not comfortable talking about this sort of thing with you. If you have work matters to discuss, please continue. If not, I really have to get back to work.” Yes, it might be awkward for a bit, but that kind of brutal honesty is sometimes necessary to reset boundaries.
Have you ever been in that kind of situation? How did you handle it?
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