Although it’s next to impossible to never offend anyone, I do try to avoid potentially offensive words and phrases, whether they bother me personally or not. Most offensive language is easy to identify, such as racial slurs and curse words, but occasionally I uncover an offensive phrase that truly surprises me.
Here are three examples of phrases that I used to say frequently, before I discovered that they offended some people:
- “That sucks.” I never thought much about the word “sucks” and often used it when commiserating with friends, “Oh, I’m sorry! That sucks!” Imagine my mortification, then, when a former colleague explained that for people in her generation, the word “sucks” still had strong sexual connotations. Now I usually stick with the safer “That’s too bad” or “That stinks.”
- “No problem” in the place of “You’re welcome.” I had no idea that this was such a bothersome phrase to so many people, but apparently it’s a common pet peeve. Linguistically, I actually think “No problem” makes more sense—like “de nada” in Spanish (literally “it is nothing”)—but once I realized that it bothered people, I decided to stop using the phrase. “You’re welcome” is always appropriate and “Happy to!” or “My pleasure!” are both acceptable alternatives.
- “Does that make sense?” when explaining something uncomplicated. I knew that qualifying my ideas with this empty question was a bad habit, but I was thinking only in terms of how the question subtly undermined my authority. I’ve learned, however, that asking that question unnecessarily also risks offending listeners. It implies that I don’t think they’re savvy enough to grasp whatever simple thing I’m saying. When you are explaining a complex idea or set of instructions, check understanding by asking “What questions do you have?”
What other potentially offensive phrases have you discovered?
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I remember saying “Oh God… that’s awful” a guest stopped me & said how offended he was that I had taken God’s name in such a way. I now never say God on TV or in conversation preferring the, frightfully British: “Oh gosh” or “Golly”. even though it sounds like something from Mary Poppins..
The other hiccup for me was “aw.. Jesus!” (or even “Jez..”) as an exclamation. This is also very offensive to many people & I now tend towards something more prosaic such as: “goodness me…”
My own ‘personal peeves’ (and I share this with the vast majority of British people)
are the phrases
“Happy Holidays”. I have yet to meet anyone from any ethnicity who is offended by Happy Christmas. Or, for that matter, offended by happy Rosh Hashana or happy Chanukah !
“How are you?” after every sentence. Generally it is not a genuine request and often said as we (or they) are moving off away from you. Such as: “Oh hi, good morning. How are you?” You will find (as do I) that if you reply: “Well actually I have a boil on my bum & my shoulder hurts” they have already moved on & are not actually listening..
Bert, those are great examples! I have to catch myself from using “God” too. My default is now “gosh”–and yes, sometimes I do feel kind of like Mary Poppins. I assumed that “jeez” was safe, but if that counts as offensive too, I’ll have to watch myself.
The “Happy Holidays” pet peeve isn’t limited to the UK. I know a ton of people here in America who hate that expression too. It’s not on my list, but I understand why it bothers others so much.
Your “How are you?” response gave me a good laugh. Thank you for that!
There’s a problem with “no problem”? I’ll have to rethink using that phrase.
It surprised me too, but if you do a search for phrases that irritate customers, it’s almost always on the list. “No problem” doesn’t bug me personally, but you know what does: “uh huh” in place of “You’re welcome.” That’s so much worse to my ears!
I wonder if the “no problem” problem extends to “no worries” (which we use a lot in Australia)?
Good question! I just did a quick search and there don’t seem to be nearly as many people complaining about that version, but there are some. (Interestingly, I saw posts from a couple of people explaining that it was offensive because it originated with Hitler/the Nazis. I’m not sure if that’s accurate, but if so, it’s another thing to keep in mind, especially if you’re speaking to people who or whose ancestors were persecuted by the Nazi regime.)
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